Jerry's dead, dude (or a brief history of near kisses)

From my last post:

"So now, I sit here and try to remember someone I've only just met. There is one way I will know exactly who she is and what part she will play in my life. I've had a mental image of a moment that has never happened yet. I've had it for as long as I can remember. Maybe she'll put a face to that moment. I'll know then.**"

That moment happened.

I'm a little shocked and amazed. I kid you not when I say that I always carried this little image around in my head.

I'm not saying it was some kind of psychic vision. I don't necessarily believe in that kind of thing. Maybe if you had a bit of romantic soul and vivid imagination and you tend to daydream about things you end up with the other day and it sticks in the back of your head waiting to happen (of course, me being me, there were crayons involved in the reality.)

So Kylie and I were out for a late night ice cream. She couldn't sleep, called me up and there we were. Only Eat 'N Park was open so we had to go the Sundae route. Triple scoop vanilla with hot caramel, whip cream, and two cherries.

I learned two things.

1. There is an upper limit to how much caramel should be put on ice cream.

2. You're supposed to eat the cherry with your fingers. I never knew. Years of working at Dairy Queen have apparently been wasted.





That's Kylie on the left, in the dress, if you were wondering what she looks like. Self-portrait. Although in real life, she's much taller and blonder.





I really hope not. She HAS had Dengue Fever. I would link you to the CDC website, but seriously, you don't want to even think about getting it.

Here's the basic story. We just talked for a couple of hours, laughed a lot and I drove her back to her car. Said goodnight, and she opened the door, started to get out, looked back, and with her right hand on my left cheek, pulled me into a kiss.

I know, not a big deal, but it was EXACTLY the image I had in my head.* How quickly she leaned into me, the lighting, how her thumb felt just under my ear, and how her pinky was lightly touching the place on my neck where you would take a pulse.

This was a very specific image I had in my head. But there was never a face. I could never make out the person. So there's a face to it now.

Here's the great thing, she kissed exactly how I always thought a kiss should be.

You know how so many people have thin lips or bite yours or feel like the tongue should be pushed down the back of your throat. or can't commit to a kiss, ending them quickly, always making one kiss into like 30 quick ones. Whatever. The way you kiss says everything about you as a person. But, of course, you can't walk around kissing random people in order to figure out their personalities.

Normally, when I kiss someone for the first time I have to sort of adapt my style to how they like to be kissed, It's a quick read, easily accomplished if you give a shit about making that sort of thing work. Although once I did run into a girl that kissed like a fish (suck your cheeks in and make pucker lips) That was a tough one. It's hard to kiss when you're laughing.

I didn't have to change a thing, I just got to kiss, maybe for the first time in my life. And kiss. Nice.

And then after a bit, she ran her hands over my face, looked at me and said, "I'm really glad I found you again." Fucking buddhists. Hot.*****

So that initial kiss image has been following me around since forever. Weird to have it come true. Didn't see the buddhist element coming, though.

There have been a number of times that a kiss me first almost happened, the funniest of which had to be when Jerry Garcia died. I mean, certainly it wasn't funny for Jerry, but hey.

It started, as all great stories do, with me waking up in Maine. This wouldn't be strange if you lived in Maine, I'll give you, but I was pretty sure I started asleep in Pennsylvania.

And I'll be back! To be Continued...





South Side Saloon, Johnstown. AWESOME. No miller lite, here, bitches. This beer cracked my top 5. Not easy to do. Jazz/Blues band. 250 imported beers and domestic micro-brews. GO.



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*Girls, I know you get kissed first all the time. How many guys have you just leaned over to and kissed first?** Makes the whole thing a little different, I suppose.

**You so don't count if you pat yourself on the back for not sleeping with a guy on the first date, for a change.***

***In retrospect, most of the girls I ever met that sleep with guys on the first date still needed to be kissed first.****

****And why do you always say, "I'm normally not like this, I never do this on a first date."? The bigger question is why do I never take this as a warning sign? I guess I just convince myself I'm special. Ha, that's so fucking funny, if you think about it. A guy having to rationalize sleeping with someone on the first date.

I'm not going to get into a debate about the whole, just needed to get laid thing, from a female perspective. I've just always felt the penetrative aspect and near violence in the male/female sex act can be too easily become unhealthy for women, as opposed to men. I know, empowerment is great, but letting a complete stranger just fuck you can easily objectify and demean. I've always wanted to treat people as people first.

*****Yeah, it's a little strange, but once I decided to go with it, it was hot. I mean I'd rather have quirky up front, believing we met in previous lives and shit,****** than a sneaky crazy where you're minding you own business, going along, thinking everything's pretty cool, when they suddenly pop out at you and say, "Boo! I'm insane!" It's better to know what you're dealing with from the get-go, trust me.

******Plus, it helped me rationalize telling the guy who was in my head yelling, "Dude, she's 20. 20, you idiot!" to go to the back of the bus and shut up. Although, to be honest, the guy next to him yelling, "She does yoga. YOGA, man," was pretty much already drowning him out. I've got to tell you, the yoga guy really knows what the fuck he's talking about. I need to listen to him more often.

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The acoustic version of 'Boyz in the Hood' by Dynamite Hack is on repeat for this blog. It is a necessary counter-point to high sappy content. Go rap, maybe some Gangstarr (or Flipyside, if you're feeling progressive) when you're reading this.

Cruisin' down the street in my 6-fo'
Jockin' the bitches, slappin' the hoe's
I went to the park to get the scoop
Knuckle-heads out there cold shootin' some hoop
A car pulls up, who can it be?
The fresh El Camino rollin Kilo G
He rolls down the window and he starts to say
It's all about makin' that G.T.A.

Cuz the boyz in the hood are alwayz hard
You come talkin' that trash and we'll pull your card
Knowin' nothin' in life but to be legit
Don't quote me boy, cuz I ain't said shit ...